But I like having hands....

Remember when you found out that Santa Claus wasn't real?

Wait, you didn't know? Gosh, my bad. I'll give you a moment.

Cried it out?

OK - let's get back to my point. Remember when you found out Santa wasn't real - like, maybe a few minutes ago...

Shocking discovery, right? One moment, life had a little bit of magic and sugar plum. The next, the joy was sucked down a well of malicious commercialism and lies.

I think our lives are filled with moments like this (cue Wonder Years theme song). A series of small realizations, subtle and seemingly innocuous until we look back and suddenly discover how much we've lost.

I had one of these moments a couple of days ago. Prepare yourselves, and check out this article.

Yeah - sorry to make you cry twice in one article, but I feel like I have to warn as many people about this as possible.

If you're like me (and if you're not, you should really consider trying it) you have a hard time paying full retail for all of your gaming needs. Let's be honest - our hobby is expensive and unforgiving.

Some gamers Ebay. Others resell. I, however, have a special friend named Chuck.

Chuck and I go way back. I met him while working at my friend's comic and game shop. Chuck is a big reader - he used to come in with stacks and stacks trade paperbacks. I knew Chuck was special when I saw how meticulously he read his books - while most folks would bend corners or pages with use, Chuck's books always look like no one had ever read them.

He is such a big comic fan that he sometimes buys two or three copies of each book. He really wants to support the publishers!

Chuck didn't really like my friend who owned the shop, since he would never pay more than a buck or two for each book, but me and Chuck really hit it off.

I could tell you some stories about all the mischief we've gotten into, but I won't bore you. Just watch Drew Barrymore's Never Been Kissed and you'll have a good idea.

Anyway, after a Chuck knew that he could trust me, he let me in on his "special business." Apparently, Chuck is really good at finding great deals on games. When I ask where he gets his stuff, he tells me that a lot of it just falls off trucks! He says he chases after them, trying to give it back but the trucks never even slow down.

I wish I was that lucky.

Anyway, he still sells the stuff to me for a special price. He says the only reason he makes me pay for it is because he has to feed his five kids and two and a half ex-wives.

Sometimes, too, he gets hardware like controllers and such that look like name brand stuff but are really just knock-offs. They work pretty much the same, but after I read that article, I'm not so sure.

I mean, I want to trust Chuck, but this is serious business! These things can blow my flippin' hands off!

To help me decide whether to trust Chuck, I called PlayStation Customer Service. Here's a record of that call:

Sony Rep: How may I help you?

Me: Yeah, I had a question about the fake exploding controllers.

Sony Rep: Certainly sir. What did you need to know?

Me: Does that really happen?

Sony Rep: Uh, yes, it does. There have been several reports. The authorities are looking into it. You should always buy your controllers from a reputable Sony retailer.

Me: How do I know for sure if they're reputable?

Sony Rep: Well, any of the major chains should be safe - they have contracts with Sony to distribute our genuine products. If they're a smaller, local retailer then you might have a problem. You'll want to verify the source of their product.

Me: Well, my guy finds stuff that falls off the back of your trucks. By the way, you should really tell your drivers to slow down - they're losing a lot of stuff.

Sony Rep: Um, pardon me sir? Where did you say you purchased your Sony products?

Me: Ahh, well, I usually pick him up out of the alley next to the plasma donation place. I buy what I need as I drive him over to public housing.

Sony Rep: ...

Me: Hello?

I won't bore you with the rest of the conversation. Let's just say that I've learned not buy stuff from my special friend, Chuck. The world, for me at least, just got a little less magical.

Read my next post, or the Sony legal department will threaten you with litigation if you don't reveal your sources. They'll hound you day and night until you can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, Chuck! You'll always be my special friend!